March is a month that traditionally is quite full for SI-Costa Rica. It is when we have spring break short term teams come and spend 9 days with us. We had the SI Board members come for meetings and spend time encouraging and getting to know us as staff members. We have semester students working as interns in our ministry sites. And we have all the regular, everyday life and job stuff and needing to fit in a little "me" time on top of that. Needless to say, March is exciting and fun and full of blessings, but also quite exhausting.
In addition to all that, my heart feels burdened for needs in my community and needs in students that I have come to know. There have been attempted suicides and awful parenting choices and children going hungry. School is cancelled quite regularly for some of my students and that is a type of educational poverty that they are living with. Short term students come with bagage of their own, whether that be choices that they have made in the past or difficult home situations. It makes me wonder, "can I really make a difference? Is what I'm trying to do worth it?" And then I have to step back and think that it's NOT about me. I wish I could feed all the children of Los Guido, but I can't. And even if I could, that would only solve one part of the problem. We talk a lot about poverty with our teams and as a staff, and have come to the conclusion that it is very complex. There IS no easy solution.
So what is one supposed to do? That question in itself seems to be a very "northamerican" kind of mentality, thinking that if I just "do" more, a solution can be found. And there are actions that the Lord requires of us and would like to see us do. But I also want to continue to learn more about "being" who Jesus wants me to be. To allow the Holy Spirit to live and work and shine in me. We were talking in our staff meeting on Monday that we are to be the light of the world, but I can only shine that light that the Source of the light has allowed me to shine.
That's where I'm at right now. Probably have more questions than answers. And the longer I work in Los Guido at the Tutoring Center and work with hurting Costa Rican kiddos and hurting North American teens and adults, the more questions come. Loving people is hard and can be risky. But I'm thankful for the Holy Spirit within me. I'm thankful for Jesus and his grace. And I'm thankful for the Mighty God that I serve. Those things I am sure of.
